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- {Enter Armado the BRAGGART knight, and his PAGE.}
- BRAGGART. Boy, What sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
- PAGE. A great sign sir that he will look sad.
- BRAGGART. Why? sadness is one and the self-same thing dear imp.
- PAGE. No no, O Lord sir no.
- BRAGGART. How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenile.
- PAGE. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
- BRAGGART. Why tough seignior? Why tough seignior?
- PAGE. Why tender Juvenal? why tender Juvenal?
- BRAGGART. I spoke it tender juvenile, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
- PAGE. And I tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
- BRAGGART. Pretty, and apt.
- PAGE. How mean you, sir, I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
- BRAGGART. Thou pretty because little.
- PAGE. Little pretty, because little: wherefore apt.
- BRAGGART. And therefore apt, because quick.
- PAGE. Speak you this in my praise Master?
- BRAGGART. In thy condign praise.
- PAGE. I will praise an Eel with the same praise.
- BRAGGART. What? that an eel is ingenious.
- PAGE. That an Eel is quick.
- BRAGGART. I do say thou art quick in answers. Thou heatest my blood.
- PAGE. I am answered sir.
- BRAGGART. I love not to be crossed.
- PAGE. He speaks the mere contrary, crosses love not him.
- BRAGGART. I have promised to study three years with the duke.
- PAGE. You may do it in an hour sir.
- BRAGGART. Impossible.
- PAGE. How many is one thrice told?
- BRAGGART. I am ill at reckoning, it fitteth the spirit of a Tapster.
- PAGE. You are a Gentleman and a Gamester sir.
- BRAGGART. I confess both, they are both the varnish of a complete man.
- PAGE. Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
- BRAGGART. It doth amount to one more than two.
- PAGE. Which the base vulgar do call three.
- BRAGGART. True.
- PAGE. Why sir is this such a piece of study? Now here is three studied ere yell thrice wink: and how easy it is to put years to the word three, and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
- BRAGGART. A most fine figure.
- PAGE. To prove you a Cipher.
- BRAGGART. I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is base for a Soldier to love; so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humor of affection, would deliver me from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ransom him to any French courtier for a new devised curtsy. I think scorn to sigh, methinks I should out-swear Cupid. Comfort me Boy, What great men have been in love?
- PAGE. Hercules, Master.
- BRAGGART. Most sweet Hercules: more authority dear Boy, name more; and sweet my child let them be men of good repute and carriage.
- PAGE. Sampson, Master, he was a man of good carriage, great carriage: for he carried the Town gates on his back like a Porter: and he was in love.
- BRAGGART. O well-knit Sampson, strong jointed Sampson; I do excel thee in my rapier, as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Sampson’s love my dear Moth?
- PAGE. A woman, Master.
- BRAGGART. Of what complexion?
- PAGE. Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
- BRAGGART. Tell me precisely of what complexion?
- PAGE. Of the sea-water Green sir.
- BRAGGART. Is that one of the four complexions?
- PAGE. As I have read sir, and the best of them too.
- BRAGGART. Green indeed is the color of Lovers: but to have a love of that color, methinks Sampson had small reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
- PAGE. It was so sir, for she had a green wit.
- BRAGGART. My love is most immaculate white and red.
- PAGE. Most maculate thoughts Master, are masked under such colors.
- BRAGGART. Define, define, well-educated infant.
- PAGE. My father’s wit, and my Mother’s tongue assist me.
- BRAGGART. Sweet invocation of a child, most pretty and pathetical.
- PAGE. {declaims} If she be made of white and red,
- Her faults will ne’er be known:
- For blush in cheeks by faults are bred,
- And fears by pale white shown:
- Then if she fear or be to blame,
- By this you shall not know,
- For still her cheeks possess the same,
- Which native she doth owe.
- {Says} A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
- BRAGGART. Is there not a Ballet, Boy, of the King and the Beggar?
- PAGE. The world was very guilty of such a Ballet some three ages since, but I think now ‘tis not to be found: or if it were, it would neither serve for the writing, nor the tune.
- BRAGGART. I will have that subject newly writ o’er, that I may example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love, that Country girl that I took in the Park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.
- PAGE. To be whipped: and yet a better love than my master.
- BRAGGART. Sing, Boy, My spirit grows heavy in love.
- PAGE. And that’s a great marvel, loving a light Wench.
- BRAGGART. I say sing.
- PAGE. Forbear till this company be past.
- {Enter DULL, COSTARD and JAQUENETTA the rustic wench.}
- DULL. Sir, the Duke’s pleasure is that you keep Costard safe, and you must let him to take no delight, nor no penance, but a’must fast three days a week: for this Damsel I must keep her at the Park, she is allowed for the Day-woman. Fare you well.
- BRAGGART. {Aside} I do betray myself with blushing: {Aloud} Maid.
- JAQUENETTA. Man.
- BRAGGART. I will visit thee at the Lodge.
- JAQUENETTA. That’s hereby.
- BRAGGART. I know where it is situate.
- JAQUENETTA. Lord how wise you are.
- BRAGGART. I will tell thee wonders.
- JAQUENETTA. With that face.
- BRAGGART. I love thee.
- JAQUENETTA. So I heard you say.
- BRAGGART. And so farewell.
- JAQUENETTA. Fair weather after you.
- COSTARD. Come Jaquenetta, away.
- {Exit JAQUENETTA and DULL.}
- BRAGGART. Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.
- COSTARD. Well sir I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a full stomach.
- BRAGGART. Thou shalt be heavily punished.
- COSTARD. I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but lightly rewarded.
- BRAGGART. Take away this villain, shut him up.
- PAGE. Come you transgressing slave, away.
- COSTARD. Let me not be pent up sir. I will fast being loose.
- PAGE. No sir, that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
- COSTARD. Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I have seen, some shall see.
- PAGE. What shall some see?
- COSTARD. Nay nothing Master Moth, but what they look upon.
- It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their words, and therefore I will say nothing:
- I thank God I have as little patience as another man, and therefore I can be quiet.
- {Exit PAGE and COSTARD.}
- BRAGGART. I do affect the very ground (which is base) where her shoe (which is baser) guided by her foot (which is basest) doth tread. I shall be forsworn (which is a great argument of falsehood) if I love. And how can that be true love, which is falsely attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a Devil; There is no evil angel but love, yet was Sampson so tempted, and he had an excellent strength: Yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit. Cupid’s Butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules’ Club, and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard’s Rapier: The first and second cause will not serve my turn: the Passado he respects not; the Duello he regards not; his disgrace is to be called Boy, but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu valor; rust Rapier; be still Drum, for your manager is in love; yea he loveth. Assist me some extemporal God of Rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn Sonnet. Devise Wit, write Pen, for I am for whole volumes in folio.
- {Exeunt.}
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